Selfishly Hot

These past few days have been selfishly hot. The sun is relentless in his quest to drain the energy from this town, and I can't tell if it's the heavy air or heavy thoughts that are perched so happily on my chest, but it's making it nearly impossible to breathe. I lay in my sweltering room far into the night, begging the cool night air to advance and bring me sleep. The heat has made dozing short and fitful. The swirling thoughts that fill these hours are dizzying and relentless; they creep into my dreams and steal my peace.
I long to dive into the foggy lake I used to love. I miss the cool water slipping across my skin, from finger tips to toes, swallowing me whole - wishing for the short moment I'm underwater that I would in fact be devoured, and never surface to face the cruelty of the world again. But I always come up for air, reappearing as a small blip on the line between bliss and reality.

Nostalgia

You ever have those bits of nostalgia, just random frames from a past viewed through rosy lenses? I'm having quite the attack this morning - for a time I know was fairly tormented while I was living it, but in hindsight was one of the best times of my life. My only regret was that I didn't live freer, didn't let go of my ego and my preconditions. Hiking through mud and puddles that had transitioned into full-on ponds. Rigged rope ladders down perilous cliffs and encounters with wildlife rarely shared with anyone else. Running from tides and forceful driftwood, grabbing our dry clothes and bounding over the dunes to safety. Bocce Ball on a beach somewhere, waiting for breaks and chasing waves through the car window. Bonfires with NFA-er's, and sleeping in the SUV, only to wake up to sand and the most beautiful sunshine I've ever seen.